Part Three Chapter III

IIIGavin could gift invited bloody shame into his office to discuss the intimately recent exchange of letters with the indemnification company, exactly decided to visit her at home instead. He had unplowed the late afternoon free of appointments, on the off-chance that she might ask him to conciliate for something to eat she was a fantastic cook.His instinctive shying forward from her naked distress had been dissipated by regular contact. He had al centerings analogousd bloody shame, but Barry had eclipsed her in company. Not that she ever appeared to dis kindred her supporting role on the contrary, she had seemed delighted to beautify the bet onground, happy laughing at Barrys jokes, happy just now to be with him.Gavin distrusted that Kay had ever been happy to play second fiddle in her life. Crashing the gears as he drove up Church Row, he view that Kay would have been bring outraged by any suggestion that she modify her deportment or suppress her opinions for the sak e of her partners enjoyment, his happiness or his self-esteem.He did non value that he had ever been unhappier in a relationship than he was now. Even in the death throes of the affair with Lisa, in that respect had been temporary truces, laughs, fulminant poignant reminders of better times. The situation with Kay was like war. Sometimes he forgot that there was supposed to be any affection between them did she even like him?They had had their worst ever argument by teleph adept on the aurora after Miles and Samanthas dinner party. Eventually, Kay had slammed nap the receiver, cutting Gavin off. For a full dickens dozen hours he had believed that their relationship was at an end, and although this was what he commanded he had go by more fear than relief. In his fantasies, Kay simply disappeared back to London, but the humans was that she had tethered herself to Pagford with a job and a daughter at Winterdown. He faced the prospect of bumping into her wherever he went in the tiny town. possibly she was already poisoning the well of gossip against him he imagined her repeating some of the things she had utter to him on the telephone to Samantha, or to that nosy old charr in the delicatessen who gave him goose-flesh.I uprooted my daughter and left my job and travel house for you, and you treat me like a hooker you dont have to pay. large number would say that he had behaved badly. Perhaps he had behaved badly. There must have been a crucial point when he ought to have pulled back, but he had not seen it.Gavin spent the whole weekend brooding on how it would determine to be seen as the bad guy. He had never been in that smudge before. After Lisa had left him, everybody had been kind and sympathetic, especially the Fairbrothers. Guilt and dread severe him until, on Sunday evening, he cracked and called Kay to apologize. Now he was back where he did not want to be, and he hated Kay for it.Parking his simple machine in the Fairbrothers drive, as he had done so often when Barry was alive, he headed for the front door, noticing that somebody had mowed the lawn since he had last called. Mary answered his ring on the doorbell al close to instantaneously.Hi, how Mary, whats wrong?Her whole face was wet, her eyeball have with diamond-bright tears. She order of paymented once or twice, shook her head, and then, without quite chouseing how it had happened, Gavin found himself memory her in his mail on the doorstep.Mary? Has something happened?He felt her nod. sharply aware of their exposed position, of the open road base him, Gavin manoeuvred her inside. She was weensy and finespun in his arms her thumbs clutched at him, her face pressed into his coat. He give his briefcase as gently as he could, but the sound of it bang the floor made her withdraw from him, her breath short as she cover her mouth with her hands.Im sorry Im sorry oh God, Gav Whats happened?His voice sounded different from usual forceful, handle comma nd, more like the way Miles sometimes talked in a crisis at work.Someones ascribe I dont someones put Barrys She beckoned him into the home office, cluttered, shabby and cosy, with Barrys old wrangle trophies on the shelves, and a big framed photograph on the jetty of eight teenage girls punching the air, with medals around their necks. Mary pointed a trembling finger at the computer screen. Still in his coat, Gavin dropped into the chair and stared at the kernel gore of Pagford Parish Councils website.I w-was in the delicatessen this morning, and Maureen Lowe told me that lots of people had put messages of condolence on the site so I was going to p-post a message to s-say thank you. And look He spotted it as she spoke. Simon bell Unfit to Stand for Council, posted by The Ghost of Barry Fairbrother.Jesus Christ, said Gavin in disgust.Mary dissolved into tears again. Gavin wanted to put his arms back around her, but was afraid to, especially here, in this cheeseparing litt le room so full of Barry. He compromised by victorious hold of her thin wrist and leading her through the hall into the kitchen.You motivating a drink in, he told her, in that unfamiliarly strong and commanding voice. Sod coffee. Wheres the decorous stuff?But he remembered before she answered he had seen Barry take the bottles out of the cupboard often enough, so he mixed her a small gin and tonic, which was the only thing he had ever known her drink before dinner.Gav, its four in the afternoon.Who gives a damn? said Gavin, in his new voice. Get that down you. An unbalanced laugh broke her sobs she veritable the glass and sipped. He fetched her kitchen roll to mop her face and eyes.Youre so kind, Gav. Dont you want anything? Coffee or or beer? she asked, on another weak laugh.He fetched himself a bottle from the fridge, took off his coat and sat down black eye her at the island in the middle of the room. After a while, when she had drunk most of her gin, she became calm and q uiet again, the way he always thinking of her.Who dyou think did it? she asked him.Some total bastard, said Gavin.Theyre all fighting over his council seat, now. Squabbling away over the Fields as usual. And hes still in there, putting his two cents in. The Ghost of Barry Fairbrother. Maybe it really is him, posting on the message board?Gavin did not know whether this was meant as a joke, and settled for a flimsy smile that might be quickly removed.You know, Id love to think that hes distressful rough us, wherever he is some me and the kids. But I doubt it. Ill bet hes still most worried about Krystal Weedon. Do you know what hed probably say to me if he was here?She drained her glass. Gavin had not purpose that he had mixed the gin very strong, but there were patches of high-pitched colour on her cheeks.No, he said cautiously.Hed tell me that Ive got support, said Mary, and to Gavins astonishment, he heard anger in the voice he always thought of as gentle. Yeah, hed probably say, Youve got all the family and our friends and the kids to comfort you, but Krystal, Marys voice was seemly noisyer, Krystals got nobody to look out for her. Dyou know what he spent our unite anniversary doing?No, said Gavin again.Writing an article for the local paper about Krystal. Krystal and the Fields. The bloody Fields. If I never hear them mentioned again, itll be too soon. I want another gin. I dont drink enough.Gavin picked up her glass mechanically and returned to the drinks cupboard, stunned. He had always regarded her and Barrys marriage as literally perfect. Never had it occurred to him that Mary might be other than one hundred per cent affirmatory of every venture and crusade with which the ever-busy Barry concerned himself.Rowing practice in the evenings, driving them to races at the weekends, she said, over the tinkling of ice he was adding to her glass, and most nights he was on the computer, trying to get people to support him about the Fields, and getting stuff on the agenda for council meetings. And everyone always said, Isnt Barry marvellous, the way he does it all, the way he volunteers, hes so involved with the community. She took a big gulp of her fresh gin and tonic. Yes, marvellous. Absolutely marvellous. Until it killed him. All day long, on our spousal relationship anniversary, struggling to meet that stupid deadline. They havent even printed it yet.Gavin could not take his eyes off her. Anger and alcohol had restored colour to her face. She was sitting upright, instead of cowed and hump over, as she had been recently.Thats what killed him, she said clearly, and her voice echoed a little in the kitchen. He gave everything to everybody. Except to me.Ever since Barrys funeral, Gavin had dwelled, with a sense of deep inadequacy, on the relatively small gap that he was sure he would leave behind in his community, should he die. Looking at Mary, he wondered whether it would not be better to leave a huge hole in one persons hea rt. Had Barry not realize how Mary felt? Had he not realized how lucky he was?The front door opened with a loud clatter, and he heard the sound of the four children coming in voices and footsteps and the chunk of shoes and bags.Hi, Gav, said eighteen-year-old Fergus, kissing his mother on top of her head. argon you drinking, Mum?Its my fault, said Gavin. Blame me.They were such nice kids, the Fairbrother kids. Gavin liked the way they talked to their mother, hugged her, chatted to each other and to him. They were open, polite and funny. He thought of Gaia, her vicious asides, silences like jagged glass, the snarling way she addressed him.Gav, we havent even talked about the insurance, said Mary, as the children surged around the kitchen, finding themselves drinks and snacks.It doesnt matter, said Gavin, without thinking, before correcting himself hastily shall we go through to the sitting room or ?Yes, lets.She wobbled a little getting down from the high kitchen stool, and he caug ht her arm again.Are you staying for dinner, Gav? called Fergus.Do, if you want to, said Mary.A surge of warmth flooded him.Id love to, he said. Thanks.